I've had a recurring dream lately.
In the dream, I'm going up into this room in a tree house. It's a room I've been in before, but now the staircase is much harder to navigate and it becomes clear that I'm going to have trouble getting up around the stairwell.
Last night, In my dream, I tried and got stuck. I didn't push too hard because I didn't want to end up like Pooh in the picture above: half-in and half-out.
I'm sure that there is a deeper level to my dream, but the surface message is that I feel too big. I'm the biggest I've ever been and this time I've gained it around my stomach and arms and in my thighs (why does it never go to my breasts where I might be able to move up to a bigger cup...you see I can rarely find a 42B or 42C, but if I could just get to a D cup, then I'd have no problems finding a 42D).
Clothes fit not so well and I don't like to wear uncomfortable clothes. I confessed to S that I was worried that he was not attracted to me anymore. This is patently silly, since he really has not changed his behavior. But I think what I was saying is that I don't think I'm attractive and I can't imagine him doing so either.
I want to find myself attractive. Because I'm really not willing to diet anymore. There is too much evidence I'm finding that leads me to believe that dieting does dreadful things to our bodies and can cause us to get fatter in the long run. I want to learn this intuitive eating bit and really embrace my body. But it is so hard to do. I feel stuck. Can anyone unstuck me?